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This is a big issue when it comes to the Arab, Desi and Muslim cultures in general. It’s seen as ‘rude’ to reject the wishes or comments of your relatives. The two main scenarios are that you’re expected:
to eat whatever is given to you by family friends or relatives
to allow them the freedom to speak to you however they want to
This is not of the Quran, Sunnah or Islam in general and I want to remind you this is purely culture.
What this means is, you’re allowed to place boundaries with family & friends with what you eat and the comments they say about you.
EATING
This isn't to say that you shouldn’t eat what your relatives offer you but a reminder that there’s no harm in placing boundaries and meeting them in the middle.
Eating is about enjoying the taste of the food, not about pleasing others. Culturally eating is also seen as a means of appreciating the host. Focus on eating the foods you genuinely want to eat at the gathering. When you choose 1-3 foods you’d like to have out of the 6 you’re offered, this way you’ve respected the host enough without compromising yourself to please them.
Your body is a vessel given to you by Allah, it is your responsibility to look after it by making the best decision for it to nourish it.
The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “A human being fills no worse vessel than his stomach. It is sufficient for a human being to eat a few mouthfuls to keep his spine straight. But if he must (fill it), then one third of food, one third for drink and one third for air.”
- Sunan Ibn Majah 3349, Book 29, Hadith 99
Nourish your body first, eat your fun foods, drink your water all while making sure you have a third of your stomach empty for you to breathe (aka. not being in a food coma).
COMMENTS
Islamically, politely communicating boundaries with comments you don’t appreciate is permissible. Moving forward, if they choose to make the same comments, they are in the wrong because islamically it’s haram to make a comment about someone you know will upset them (whether it be to their face or behind their back).
Ultimately we can not control others and so placing boundaries is you doing what is in your control. Despite our culture being heavily built on you being responsible for others feelings, it's important to remember that you are NOT responsible for how others feel especially if their expectations mean compromising on your boundaries.
Set boundaries confidently, it will feel weird in the beginning but at the end of the day, you know what you need best and you’re the only one that can give you that.
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